Monday, October 21, 2013
I can't lie: it's an effort to write, these days. My whole person feels drawn in, silent, increasingly put off by the noise of the television, the radio, the unending online chatter. Writing here is a mystery. Not so much an aversion to communication; I don't even know what to communicate right now.
There is a slowly solidifying possibility that my time alone at home is drawing to end - that I could be working, soon. I should be blazing through the hours I have. Taking care of paperwork, filing, mending, organizing, marking off those last projects still stubbornly stuck on my list. I should be writing, drawing, endlessly. I should be climbing that hill.
All I want to do is curl up and read in the silence. Or cook. Which - yes - is downright crazy coming from me. I can't explain it. I am feeling just fine, in general. Just fine, just humming at the lowest frequency. No bother.
Not to worry. This post right here - this is working through it. I'm working through it. Head down, eyes on my own paper, but most certainly working through it.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Life is generally good these days, just generically busy and rolling along quickly, days mushing into weeks that pile into the corners like cobwebs needing to be swept up, thrown out, whisked away. I am fine, but lacking focus for anything much more than accomplishing the minimum. On the other hand, sometimes the minimum has meant crawling into a book for an hour or two (if I can get it), and that's hard to disparage. I've missed reading.
Now that Lena's sixth birthday has passed, I some have time again for myself, and I really need it. I feel soft - inside and out. I miss writing, and I need exercise. I have drawings to do, and goals to accomplish. I'm just having a hard time remembering how to focus my energy, or maybe my body is rebelling. All I really want to do in the moment is read, or nap. Hosting a party for Lena and her school friends last week just drained about a month's worth of energy out of this introvert, maybe. I am tired. But I will keep moving forward. I will find my drive. And maybe, if I need to take a nap in the meantime, it wouldn't quite be the end of the world.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Hello, everyone! Caught up from that fabulous three day weekend, are ya? All settled back into school? Back to work? Wondering when this heat will go away so you can justify a pumpkin spice latte and new boots? ME TOO. And I have the perfect thing to cool you off: a winter holiday sale!
Okay, so sales-speak isn't really my thing. But I can make a lovely drawing of a treasured home for you, or your mom, or your grandfather. These drawings make wonderful heirloom gifts, but they do require a little lead-time, so I am letting you in on a deal if you order between now and November 1st.
I have said this before, but it bears repeating: I absolutely love working on these drawings. Home has always been important to me, and I understand personally how one house can, in some ways, encapsulate everything in our world. Drawing a home I know is loved and dear to someone is a responsibility I take seriously, and as I work I hope that the finished piece will evoke those emotions and memories in the recipient. It really is a privilege to be able to work on these drawings for you.
So. Order now with coupon EARLYBIRD2013 and you will receive 25% off your purchase of a custom home drawing, now through November 1, 2013. Custom orders have already been placed, so reserve your spot now! Yes, really. For realz. HONEST. I am already filling holiday orders. I know!
Oh, and the other shop news, which perhaps I should have mentioned earlier, is that my shop is now happily titled Lena + Eve. A post on Lena + Eve and the new children's drawings available there is forthcoming. But these home drawing slots do fill up, and I want you to have a chance at getting in now while, oh, you know, while the gettin's good.
If you have any questions at all, please feel free to message me and ask. I can't wait to work on a drawing for you!
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
So, that was summer. Where did it go? It already feels like a dream I have to work hard to remember. Two days back to school, back to schedule, and I'm struggling to recall what happened in July. Small fragments of sunshine, of beach, of salt air hair blowing across my face; rinsing sand out of the girls' wetsuits, their faces constantly smeared with ice cream, popsicles, cotton candy, chocolate milk. We spent three weeks this month in the Midwest with my parents, and I still remember that: the luxury of sleeping late in the morning and the smell of bug repellant in the evening, the days in between packed with comfort food and family time. We visited the zoo, went peach picking, rode a miniature steam train, saw a ball game, and we swam. I hope, I hope, I hope the girls remember these days. I hope they remember them forever.
I guess I needed a break from writing. Not sure why. A January baby, I always seem to hibernate in summers, in a way. But I am ready to be back. Hi there. What did I miss?
Thursday, July 18, 2013
A few people have asked me if the recent lull in writing here is an indication that I am not doing well. Formulating a response to this has been tricky. In a way, no, I am not well, but only because I haven't had any time to write. Really, I am fine. Summer is just too busy at our house. We've been traveling and traveling again, packing, unpacking, running to swim lessons, juggling odd summer-hour schedules, entertaining visitors, managing everything with one car, and trying very hard all the while to keep up with a three-year-old whose three-year-old-ness is in major overdrive lately. It's all very hectic and nerve-wracking and tiring, but generally fine and good, except that I haven't had any time to write. And not having any time to write makes me cranky, to say the least. You see?
Well. It may not make any sense, but it's true. Writing helps me think, and there has been so much to think about. One thing I can tell you about is that it looks like I am going to be heading back to work in the fall. Where, I have no idea. I've been a stay-at-home mom (with some freelance work on the side) for a solid six years, now. The company I previously worked for was great, but it's a long commute away and now I have kids to worry about, so I'm hoping to find something closer to home. Maybe something part-time? I don't know. I suppose we'll just see what's out there when it's time, but my years at home, the bad economy....it's hard to pretend these things won't be obstacles. Not to mention this blog, which I love, but I made the decision back when I re-launched it that I was going to be up front about who I am, here. Putting my name on this site has kept me conscientious about what I write, and I don't regret it. But I always knew that if I needed to go back to work one day I might have to make changes here, and those changes might be coming quickly, now. You tell me - if you were an employer, would you hire someone who wrote openly about living with depression and seeking psychiatric help for it? In this economy? If my full name disappears from this site in the near future, I am sorry. I hope you understand. Because, unfortunately, I need a paycheck. Hello, reality.
Another change I have been considering is to stop posting so many photos of my girls. Lena is nearly six, after all, and I'm beginning to feel like she deserves some privacy. (Although after spending some time with various teens and pre-teens in our family over the past few months, I'm wondering if this generation will EVER care about privacy.) This may be another reason to scrub my name from the blog, though. Oh, I'm not sure how this will all net out, yet. Maybe it will be a slow migration. It just feels like it's time to make a few adjustments, that's all.
There has been a lot on my mind. So many things about to change, I think. I feel it in my bones. Yes, really. I feel it the same way I can feel bottled-up emotions in other people, the same way I know which random person from my past my mom is about to tell me news about before she's said two words. It's sort of like knowing just exactly how to rap the unopened pickle jar on the counter so you can pop the lid with ease. I just have this sense that the day-to-day routine of our lives is eroding quickly, invisibly, and that this time next year we will be....different. How much different, I don't know. Maybe all it will mean is a part-time job at the grocery store for me. Maybe we'll finally have replaced Jimmy's beat up car. Maybe I'll just have a new haircut.
But it feels like it it is going to be more than that.