Monday, October 17, 2011

I would also like to thank pumpkin bread and coffee, without whom I could not have written this post.

I am doing much better today. Thank goodness for Jimmy, who did everything he could to be available for me as much as possible over the last week, despite being in the middle of dailies at work. Thank goodness for my mom, who also called to check up on me several times and basically willed her love and support to be physically present with me despite the distance between us. And thank goodness for you, my dear friends and family who have sent me notes of encouragement over the last days, weeks, and even months. I just can't stress how much this has all meant to me. And it's made me believe that I've done the right thing in deciding to write about my depression here, because let me tell you, I agonized over that choice.

And I am doing much better today. We were busy again this weekend, of course, but I was able to get some work done, particularly on the illustration job I took a month or two ago. I'm not sure if I'm cleared to say what the project is, but the sketch you see here is just a sample of my contribution. This project is headed up by friends of mine, who offered very kindly to let me back out after reading my last few blog entries, but also very astutely noted that creative outlet can be a welcome relief for people in my position. And that has turned out to be exactly the case. I am enjoying the work so very much, and am planning to see it through. So thanks to them, too, for the opportunity.

I think, too, that the supplements must be helping. It's hard to tell, but I feel much calmer now than I did last week. I guess I'm just afraid to believe anything is really working, because it's scary as hell to be in charge of the lives and hearts of two little girls all day while you can barely manage to stay up and out of bed, and instead wind up practically hiding from them from breakfast through dinnertime so they won't see how much you've been crying, over nothing, and because you know that seeing their sweet little faces will make you have to sit down and cry all over again.

Last week was awful. But I feel so much better today. And I plan to feel even better tomorrow. And I plan to come here to talk about something else soon - something lovely, or funny, or happy - and not have to mention my ridiculous addled brain chemistry. Because people pull through this, yes? And I absolutely plan to be one of them.


Mary C. Nasser said...

Glad to hear you are feeling better. So sorry for your recent lost...I can only imagine that pain.

But I'm glad to meet you through BYW and enjoy this Autumn sketch. :)

All the best,
Mixed-Media Map Art

Heidi King said...

Girlfriend, You hang in there. I've had two little ones --- and then to add to your unbearable grief over your nephew... so very sorry. Just know that you will come out of the fog -- it does lift. And when you do, you're going to be blown away by the body of work you left behind on this blog -- and by the knowledge of how many people you inspired and helped when you couldn't even see it! Now go have a hot tea and enjoy!!

melanie said...

Mary and Heidi, thank you SO very much! I can't tell you how much your comments mean to me. And it is so lovely of you to stop by. Thank you!!