Friday, February 25, 2011

conversation


Lena: Mama, I like your shirt!
Me: Oh, honey, thank you!
Me: (realizing I am wearing a plain black turtleneck.) ...um, so you like black?
Lena: No, I like pink.
Me: I know you do. Well, um, thanks for liking my shirt.
Lena: I was just kidding!
Me: Ah.
Lena: And Mama, Daddy was just kidding, too.
Me: Okay...
Lena: And my friend at school was just kidding. And my other friend was just kidding. And my teacher was just kidding.
Me: ...um...
Lena: Mama?
Me: ...yes?
Lena: Mama, we're ALL just kidding.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

warming up


Hello, again.

I want to warn you that I am so unaccustomed to writing, anymore, I've almost forgotten how. My fingers still type easily, but the words come out almost painfully, so completely guarded that I backspace over more than I leave intact. This is a tough re-entry for me, but as I think about writing absolutely every day, and have for months (and months), it has got to be the right thing to do.

But I would like to say this: just in the last few weeks my days have evolved in ways that make me feel so very blessed, as I know I am. Lena is happily in preschool for longer stretches, now, staying later on the days she attends, and Miss Evie is at last on a regular two-nap-a-day schedule, even deigning to sleep all night long on *most* nights. I'm so unused to the regularity and free time that the first few days I literally sat on the couch and fretted all day, not able to accomplish anything. Evie's sudden sleeping through the night was leaving me with a sleep-hangover, and I woke up two days in a row feeling like I was on a Nyquil binge that no amount of black coffee could dissuade. The rest of the days were spent in something between auto-pilot and shut-down modes. Poor Jimmy came home to the same mess of a house he left in the mornings, and no dinner. But I believe things are improving. A bit, anyway. (Hey, I'm here, aren't I?)

Even so, there is still so much I'm trying to fit into the day, and all together it's too much, I know. My friends who have more children than I do, who homeschool and garden and cook and bake and read and write and sew - you are my heroes, and no exaggeration there. I want to read and write, too. And draw and garden and run and finish the baby books and assemble six years' worth of photo albums and learn to speak French... so maybe that last one is too much. But the rest of it is TOTALLY DOABLE and don't you even try to tell me otherwise. Except for the fact that we keep needing groceries and dishes washed and laundry done, bills paid and email caught up, diapers changed and baths given (and toddler kisses and baby cuddles).

So, sticking to a schedule has never been my strong suit.

But I feel luckier every day. Blessed, really, as I said. And I am determined to make the most of these blessings. Or at the very least, to appreciate them as much as is humanly possible; which I have to admit, can't POSSIBLY be enough.