Thursday, August 16, 2012

end of summer

packing up - the end of summer

Hey there.

I'm here.  I'm back.  A couple of weeks later than I hoped, but they were busy, family-steeped, and generally productive weeks.  You know, "productive" aside from the three or four days that the girls and I stayed indoors all day long in our pajamas, because pajama days don't count.  Unless you count helping my four-and-a-half-year-old put together her first 200-piece puzzle, building a living room fort, almost completely potty training my two-year-old, watching way too many episodes of Dora (with the volume turned waaaaaaay down, please), and losing two or three or four games of Memory to Lena, and not on purpose.  (I really did believe I was good at Memory until that stinker came along.)  Anyway, if you count all of that, then I have been SO productive!  And super comfy.

Summer was good to us, and I have no complaints outside of wishing I could have Jimmy home from work all of the time.  The girls are getting big enough that they are beginning to play together and laugh together.  I can see that sisterly bond growing strong, and I hope it never ever breaks.  They grew so much over the summer, too.  Lena learned to swim on her own in my parents' neighborhood pool, and Evie learned that she just loves being in the pool, period, even if her best trick is sinking like a rock.  Jimmy taught them that the ocean waves aren't really so frightening as they are a lot of fun to surf and jump and splash around in, and if you catch them doing it in their little bitty wetsuits they suddenly look strikingly like the California girls they are.  Evie learned to count to thirteen-ish, Lena learned to read Hop On Pop all on her own, and I was reminded once again that the earth spins at such an alarmingly fast rate that it is shocking we don't notice while it's happening.

Life is good.  The house is still small, the money still gets tight, our extended family is still too far away, the future is still uncertain (as it most certainly always will be).  But our own family feels more and more like Our Own Family, and I love it.  Love.  It.  Even our little house feels like home, despite overflowing closets and jammed kitchen drawers and a sofa that doesn't match the wall color and little girls growing too big for their crib and toddler bed setup.  I've had a lot of anxiety over the past months about the future, and over a certain personal decision - a topic I will be writing about next because I actually can't bear to NOT write about it anymore - but I wanted to come back to this place with affirmation:  Life is good for us at this moment.  And it has been good.  I have to remind myself of that fact on a regular basis, because like anyone else, I get too caught up in the scattered toys, dirty dishes, and late summer heat that is our everyday life at present.  And even more pressing than the dishes, it seems, is so much longing and desire for more in life, so many questions, so many worries, so many weighty things on my mind pretty much all of the time.  Those feelings and questions have to be important, right?  Because I can't dismiss them.  But I do try, as often as I can, to remind myself to look at the best parts of what we have at this moment.  And when I do....well....I want to live in this moment forever.


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