Friday, November 9, 2012

autopilot



It feels as though I haven't been here very much this week, but I guess I'm still recuperating in a lot of ways.  I've been over the flu since Sunday, but my body and my mind are still just tired and I'm running on autopilot, as they say.  All the same, I am good.  Sure, it's been a stressful week, too, because we have all been worn out and life has been intent on keeping us moving fast.  But the bonus seems to be that because of the tiredness, because I am still not feeling quite myself, the pestering, self-loathing, neurotic part of my mind has been all but shut down for energy-saving purposes.  And good riddance to it.  It is generally the larger part of my inner monologue, though, and in its absence I'm sorry to say there isn't much left.  So, my mind is more or less on hold, and my body is tired, but in an odd way I feel good.  Peaceful.  Happy, even, though there isn't a lot of energy behind that feeling.  All in all, good.

And to reinforce the good, I took an hour for myself to say hello to the beach this morning.  Cold, salt water sunny wind in my hair and nothing to do but be still and breathe it in.  Watch the birds, the dogs, the helicopters, the runners, the bikers, the tai chi class practicing next to the sleeping homeless man.  The water was choppy and white-crested and I thought I was there to think and relax, but I was already relaxed and had no energy to think.  Breathe in, breathe out, repeat.  Breathe in, breathe out, repeat.  Make this my new habit.  Stop worrying about what to worry about.  Breathe in, breathe out, repeat.

Until next week, friends.


xo










No comments: