Tuesday, January 8, 2013

2013 - ready for reentry

my view on waking, December 31, 2012.

Happy New Year, friends.  How is 2013 treating you so far?

I've had a tough time moving back into a schedule, or finding time to get my thoughts straight enough to think about the new year, much less focusing well enough to write anything sensible for you here.  (Assuming that ever happens.)  I tend to let everything go in the month of December, particularly when we spend Christmas at my parents' home.  If I can sleep in, I do.  If there are sweets to eat, I eat them.  If someone hands me a drink, I drink it.  If I can spend the whole day in pajamas, I absolutely spend the whole day in pajamas.

Okay, to be honest, there's really nothing unusual about the pajama thing.  The point is, though, we're just not back on schedule around here, yet.  We arrived home from St. Louis late last Sunday night, and we spent New Year's Eve unpacking, New Year's Day taking down our wilted tree and Christmas decorations, the next day cleaning, laundering, getting groceries, the next day in a state of exhaustion...  Finally, the girls both went back to school yesterday, but Jimmy had a light schedule at work and there was no way I was going to pass up a chance to run some errands and have a lunch date with my husband while I could.  So....game starts now?

Most likely I've said this before, but I love celebrating the New Year.  I love being given a time to look back at where we've been and a chance to make new plans for a fresh year.  Clean slates make me happy.

And yes, I get frustrated, too.  Frustrated when another year has gone by and I still haven't achieved one or three or five of the goals I've had on my list for too many years, now.  Certainly this is the reason so many people hate New Year's Resolutions.  But for me, well.  I still want those things.  So I am going to try again.  Maybe take a different approach this year.  And I feel good about this.

Things I accomplished in 2012:  I wrote, I read, I drew pictures, I opened an Etsy shop and didn't fall flat on my face.  I lost ten pounds, I found a church, I let go of our baby gear, and I believe I am a bit more centered than I have ever been.

My biggest goal for 2013:  to not have the same worries and regrets I have today, and have had every January for too many years, now.

I do not want to regret another year gone by without getting my body healthy, used to activity, fit.

I do not want to be as worried about money next year as I am right now.  Is this possible for anyone?  I'm tired of it.  I don't want to go back to the corporate world, and I don't want to be full-time away from my kids, but am considering getting a job because I want to help our family.  A little more stability would be nice, a lot less anxiety would be great, and a bit more physical space would be a dream.  Trying to move forward with some faith, here, but my goal right now is to move forward.

I do not want another year to go by without getting access to a piano.  Preferably in my living room.  It will be a tight squeeze, but, well, this is a part of me that I'm tired of missing.

And my resolution this year?  Show Up.  This undoubtedly deserves a post all on its own, but in short, I heard this message over and over last year, from several vastly different sources, so much so that I can't ignore it.  Appropriate for a girl who prefers to spend her day in pajamas, too.  I plan to show up this year.  Get out, experience life, find inspiration where it lives, see the sky as much as possible, play with my family, devote some time OUT to myself.

All these things I am determined to accomplish this year.  But even if it all falls apart, even if I didn't check everything off my list last year, even if....fill in the blank.  This is what I found when I got out of my bed on December 31, 2012.  We had a good year.  We are starting off the new year just right.  If I find the same sights outside of my same bedroom door on December 31, 2013, I will be counting my blessings, my lucky stars, my beautiful, fabulous, gorgeous, incredible life:

Happy 2013 to you.

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