Wednesday, April 24, 2013

side effects

Hey there, friends.  How's about a little update on my mental health?  Sound like fun?  I thought so!

So.  Through the (unfortunately very long) process of getting my mental health on track, we've come to realize that I do deal with an unusually excessive amount of fatigue and foggy concentration regardless of the state of my depression, and over recent months, that fatigue has begun to get out of hand.  Over the past month or maybe more, I could have easily fallen asleep anywhere and anytime, even after getting lots of regular, solid sleep at night.  The good news is that as of last week I am now being treated for this, but since the first day of treatment I've also been experiencing quite a lot of side effects.  Sometimes I've been manic, sometimes I've been exhausted again.  Sometimes I've been foggy, sometimes unusually clear-headed.  Sometimes I've had no appetite, sometimes I've wanted to eat everything in the house.  The list goes on, and the weirdest part is that sometimes I feel like I'm experiencing all of these symptoms at once.

Please, those of you who know me, don't worry about this.  Nothing about any of this is serious, and the side effects should taper off within days or weeks.  Plus, I have high hopes that the treatment will work, and that many of my questions about the source of my chronic depression and other minor health issues will be answered, or better, solved.  If that's the case, I'll likely be a bit more forthcoming about the whole shebang here.

The fact is, though, that right now I feel very erratic, and I'm not exactly sure how that's exhibiting itself to the outside world, if at all.  Unfortunately, I can physically only do one thing at a time while this is going on, and I can feel that a lot of things are slipping past me.  I want to apologize if you've gotten the distracted end of my focus recently.  (I think it might be pretty bad sometimes.)  But all my efforts at this moment are being put into keeping my head down and staying laser-focused on taking care of my family, and myself.  When the beneficial side of the treatment shows through, I'm making a lot of progress, getting things done at home, finishing boring household tasks I've had piled up for months, and even better, I'm enjoying things like playing with my kids more than I have in, I don't know, maybe forever.  On the other hand, much of the time I'm just working at pushing through the side effects so I can get dressed in time to pick up the girls from school.

So that's what's going on.  Again, if you've experienced a distracted or disappearing version of me, I'm sorry.  But I want you to know why, and that I do think it will improve soon, and I hope you'll be patient with me.

Thank you, again, for all of your wonderful support through this process.  You've all been so amazing.



pollydove said...

Oh shoot, so sorry you're having to deal with all of those issues Melanie. Definitely no fun when you're a mother of young children, trying to run a household. My heart goes out to you cute girl! Best of luck with the tests, and BETTER luck with the results! Hang in there.

kittymclewin said...

You are fully loved just as you are. Sending big fat hugs to your heart.