Saturday, June 22, 2013


This is an improvement, yes?

Right now it's late, and I can barely stay awake to type this, but I wanted to let you know that at this moment, things don't seem so bad.  Or maybe they just seem farther away.  Yesterday was Lena's last day of kindergarten (I only broke down into completely irrational tears once!), and after school let out we whisked the family up the 5 to San Francisco for the weekend, Sacramento for the rest of the week, and back home on Friday.  Or Saturday.  Or possibly we'll wait to head home until after the Fourth, because why not?  All the things that are worrisome and bothersome and upsetting, all those things still exist, they still need attention, answers, prayers.  But this picture?  This picture was pretty much our day.  Such a good day.  And I wanted to let you know about it.  I want you to know when there are good days, too.  Wonderful days, even when things aren't going the way we wish they were.  Beautiful days.

Just like today.

Friday, June 14, 2013

no alarms and no suprises

For those of you not following me on Instagram or Facebook, I posted this today (slightly edited, because I can't not edit and re-edit and re-edit myself - it's basically an illness):

Hey, friends.  Forgive me for putting it this way, but it's been a shitty couple of weeks around here.  Some of it I can't share, some of it I don't know how to share, and the rest of it, well, I just haven't had any damn time for it.  Things can always be worse, obviously.  What I can't figure out right now, though, is how to make any of it any better.  But I do so appreciate having friends out there, like you.  Just knowing that makes an enormous difference in my life.  Thank you.

I posted that about an hour ago, and already I've received a heap of lovely comments, messages, texts, and offers to get together right away.  And I know my phone will be ringing approximately .5 seconds after my mom catches it.  No kidding - you guys are the best.  Absolutely the best.  There's a lot going on that just can't be fixed, at least not now.  Such is life, right?  Yeah.  That will never be anything other than completely annoying.

I'm not sure if or when I'll have time to say more.  I don't know if I'll have any time to write again before we leave to visit family in a week.  It's possible I won't even be around this place at all until mid-July.  If so, I'm really sorry.  No one misses my being able to write here more than I do.  That's a guarantee.  But, as always, thanks for sticking around.  Did I mention you are the best?  You are.  The best.



Monday, June 10, 2013

there are only so many hours in a summer day, you know

All right, I'm crying Uncle.  It's time to add "Summer" to the list of things I'll never understand.  Or, more specifically, "How it is possible to have Jimmy home for the summer to help me with the girls and the house and yet somehow I seem to have significantly less time to accomplish anything around here and my To Do list gets longer every day."  Seriously, this is possible how?  Is this one of those things I would understand and be capable of fixing if only I had sat with my brothers while they watched all those endless hours of Star Trek?  Yes?  Well, it's too late now, because I don't have time to catch up, because laundry and swim class and bills and email and shopping and sick kids and phone calls and reheating my coffee five times in a row before I remember to actually drink it.

The house won't fall down if I don't finish the laundry.  But I am more than a little frustrated that I seem to have lost that time in my schedule I had hoped would be filled with writing, drawing, reading, and walking.  And I think, if I could give up my desire for those things, I wouldn't feel quite so stressed for time.  Maybe I'm just being selfish.  Or maybe those things are vital.

One of these days, maybe I'll find a moment to figure it out.

Of course, plenty of what is keeping me busy lately is absolutely worth sacrifice.  To wit:

Saturday ball games


(lots of snacks)

swim classes

little girls' clothes shopping

end-of-year school projects

learning to let someone learn to climb trees

(but staying close by just in case)

taking care of sick babies

enforcing nap times

(loving nap times)

((hey, I got a *little* bit of drawing squeezed in!))

spending time with friends (Hi, Julie!)

assembling costumes

being ridiculous

ensuring our girls' education is on track

and eating meals outside.

(Yeah.  Absolutely worth it.)